Neece Daily Vibes

Take me to a place where the trees calm your soul, and the mountain air makes you feel whole. Let me escape this world of false reflections from the mirror on the wall, let me fly as free as a kite without the fall. Don’t let the hurt of yesterday hold you back from the potential tomorrow might bring. I find such joy in knowing the seeds I am planting in this life will bloom into something words cannot explain. We are told what to do and what to be, given glimpses of false hopes through the blinds that separate us from what we should see. Don’t be trapped by someone else’s dream, wake up, set a goal and push forward, work as a team.

It’s funny how we press forward, never knowing what will alter our life. Fractions of seconds are what separates the happiness to fear, the joy to pain, the perfect to grief. I’m yelling no, no, why?!! I’m screaming within my own skin, I’m shaking on the outside so hard my tears downpour past my chin. Reach inside my chest and calm my soul, don’t you dare leave us, this cannot be the final chapter, my mind is going to lose control. I didn’t even get to hear your cry, don’t you dare lever us, we haven’t seen the color in your eye! Don’t cover us in your blankets of lies, don’t give me a textbook answer to your failures and lack of comply. I’m racing to catch my emotions as they break out the gate, unbridled and free as can be, this won’t be the last of this unfamiliar state. My wife needs my support, as I need mine, but my wife comes first, don’t let her fall, it’s your time to shine. Darkness is like the ocean, it comes in waves, darkness is a thought when light is present outside the cave. My mind is scrambled, nothing is going as thought, when can I let go and let the bad memories rot!?

My little Jade, it’s January 6th, we made it. Tough, absolutely tough, trying to hold back tears, absolutely painful to know in two weeks we won’t be welcoming you into this world. I talk to you before bed every night, I know you hear me, because I feel you when I hold your blankie tight. Your mom and I play Yahtzee every night, haven’t missed a day since we saw you last. We find it funny, we swear you are playing with the dice when we roll. Can you stop helping your mother win for once??! Just kidding sweet pea keep it up, she enjoys it. This hasn’t been easy, I struggled to find the reason you aren’t here, I searched for the answer, but I know it won’t come, it’s truly a new unlocked fear. Time heals they say, that’s very true, but it carries a life long memory, full of unanswered questions and no answer’s, who knew. I wanted you to know if you couldn’t already tell, your mother loves you more than she ever imagined. No it’s not because you aren’t here, it’s because she has unconditional love for you. Oh and I’m sure she will get a tattoo soon to remind her of you, I’m going to do the same of course, just wait they are going to be good!! Ok, can I tell you about your sister Harper, you would have been so happy to have known her. She was going to conquer this world with you, teach you everything there is to know. Let me tell you, she has the most random facts about everything, it’s impressive, you would have loved it. Can I tell you how I will never forget how you stopped moving in your mother’s belly every time I talked to you!? I took it personal at first but then realized you probably enjoyed my voice, or so that’s what I tell my self.

Tic Tok, the sound of the clock, breaks the silence, second by second with no stop. Mercy please, make it slow like water in the winter when it begins to snow. The pain of the past is present in the memories made, executed like an assassin with no warning, my mind wishing it was just a charade. You are told to push forward and leave the past in the past, but what if you are not ready to move that fast. Time has no friends, the tic tok of the clock is the reminding sound that tomorrow is coming, and today will eventually fade away. Take my hand and let me be, that rock that you need. Accept my embrace, not because I just want to give it but I need to feel you receive it. Let us believe in what is to come and never forget what use to be.

My eyes are tired as is my soul, nothing can prepare you for a loss, fast or slow. Questions will be unanswered, thoughts left swirling in my mind, I’m not sure where I go, I’m not sure what to really do. I hear you little soul, I feel you, I miss you and wish you didn’t leave, one can only hope it was for something greater, a place with more beauty, or so I believe. The last kiss I gave you left an empty space deep within my chest, I was chasing my breath as if it was a race to the end. I will never forget the joy you gave me and your mom, 34weeks of happiness and joy, 34weeks of wondering what you will bring to this world. It’s gone now, just like a shooting star, we love you little Jade, you will always have a place in our hearts

Touched by the hand of something unseen, kissed by the wind so gentle and pristine. We move from one emotion to another, affected at times by our surroundings but never free from our thoughts, they are followed by others. We cry to not show emotion but to release pain and express happiness, we laugh to cover the hurt that might be and to also show kindliness. Do we dare open up for all to see, or is there a fear we will be judged, that is the question for me. The past is always the present when we aren’t willing to change, what will we become if tomorrow is just the same. Lessons taught are nothing gained if actions never emulate from the fire within. Focus your energy toward a path not yet taken, believe in what can be and let go of the what if it doesn’t, the scale of balance will always fall in your favor if your trust outweighs your fear!

The light behind her eyes won’t let go of the soul inside, I push hard to watch it leave, I beg for this dream to become a reality, I believe. I stand tall in my emotions, I cry when no one is around, I beg for change especially when I am paving this road alone. Will I find my true hearts doppelgänger in this life of amazing people, will I know when the key fits the lock, a twist of the knob, stepping through what is next to come. My book will be written in due time, my chapter is ready for the making, my smile she has stolen, but not from a crime. Random acts of kindness out weigh any predictive nature, drifting through the ocean to the sands alone, stopping time where it belongs, in the realm of the unknown.

Twisted cavities of my mind feed my appearance of who I have become, a magical crime not to all but just to some. Stolen victories across my youth push my hands to deliver pain, never questioning what was to gain. Enduring through the growth of my mind, body and soul, I learned that one must allow the pressure in order to grow. To slow the rise within my blood was an art in my teens, I learned that patience grew through a closed mouth and open mind or so it seemed. Rouge was my nature in my early adult days, principles not present because rebellion was eclipsed over my self praise.

I see a palette of which colors of vast array are piled on, awaiting a brush to take away. I see fields painted with the rainbow from God above, I see happiness as calming as a dove. As we walk into the open fields your hand in mine, I cannot help but breathe in the glory bloomed in the spring time. The beauty of a Tulip is one so natural and free, the smell of citrus, honey and green are just a few your mind will see. The forgotten hills that our ancestors walked, the voices that echoed deep in the valleys below, the memories made and the trees In which will outgrow.

My eyes have been open to the world we are in, not by the chaos that surrounds us but by the single phrase uttered from my little humans voice. Confusion and uncertainty crossed my mind and flooded my face, my daughter asked to paint my fingernails which would leave a colorful trace. The question asked is simple and pure, why would anyone care Dad, and the answer is reluctant and full of fear. At that moment I realized the world is full of hatred and pain, why are we judged on the color of our skin and the gender in which we live. Why are we mocked for what we wear and how we look, the purity of my daughters words made my emotions shook. The joy she has to play is so innocent and free, I will never again be scared because I am human and I am Me!