1/6/24 Thoughts

My little Jade, it’s January 6th, we made it. Tough, absolutely tough, trying to hold back tears, absolutely painful to know in two weeks we won’t be welcoming you into this world. I talk to you before bed every night, I know you hear me, because I feel you when I hold your blankie tight. Your mom and I play Yahtzee every night, haven’t missed a day since we saw you last. We find it funny, we swear you are playing with the dice when we roll. Can you stop helping your mother win for once??! Just kidding sweet pea keep it up, she enjoys it. This hasn’t been easy, I struggled to find the reason you aren’t here, I searched for the answer, but I know it won’t come, it’s truly a new unlocked fear. Time heals they say, that’s very true, but it carries a life long memory, full of unanswered questions and no answer’s, who knew. I wanted you to know if you couldn’t already tell, your mother loves you more than she ever imagined. No it’s not because you aren’t here, it’s because she has unconditional love for you. Oh and I’m sure she will get a tattoo soon to remind her of you, I’m going to do the same of course, just wait they are going to be good!! Ok, can I tell you about your sister Harper, you would have been so happy to have known her. She was going to conquer this world with you, teach you everything there is to know. Let me tell you, she has the most random facts about everything, it’s impressive, you would have loved it. Can I tell you how I will never forget how you stopped moving in your mother’s belly every time I talked to you!? I took it personal at first but then realized you probably enjoyed my voice, or so that’s what I tell my self.